I am feeling supremely lonely and it seems everybody is making plans without me. When I get like this I always feel like I should not burden anybody with my problems and my presence and somehow it just feels like a waste of time to reach out (and when I do I always feel rejected). Everybody is making plans and meeting with everybody else without me - and I feel left behind and to myself. It sucks.
Maybe I should just do more to make new friends or make sure the ones I have already have more incentive to meet with me though I am pretty neither of these actually solves the problem ... and possibly just add to the problem and feeling ...
I really just hope we can return to normal soon ... and stop feeling so lonely and left behind.
Well I have found that I never really just use my skirts - and that my casual dress collection is constantly growing...
Does anybody have any tips on how to maybe make these into dresses ... or otherwise repurpose them?
So the first pilot of the season is apparently REVOLUTION
I admit this is a show I have been looking forward to see! It has JJ Abrams and Eric Kripke, producers/writers/creators I have enjoyed immensely in the past, and the description read a fair bit like Jericho which I totally love!
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Other shows I already know now I am definitely trying out (and not just is watching cause well there was a link on eztv): The Mindy Project, Emily Owens MD, Beauty and the Beast, Arrow, Elementary (need to see what this is!) ... and probably more I don't remember right now...
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I have been elected as a contact person in training for my region - with two other lovely ladies! I'm already planning two events in the new year! It's all pretty exciting.
I was gonna put a recollection of the weekend in here .... but! ... I don't think it would have been an inspiring read for anybody actually.
The only big downside about the weekend is that I have been hit - both Friday and Saturday - with an unsual amount of exhaustion and tiredness. It sorta puts me right back in how I felt in high school and was battling severe chronic fatigue. I so do not want to back to that time. Then there was the food ... *sigh* as an allergy stricken person there's a list of things I don't eat - that includes wheat, lactose in high doses, an array of nuts, uncooked tomatoes, cherries and meat (excluding fish). I'm sad to say that there was out 4 meals I ate through-out the weekend - 3 of them did not have enough food for me to be able to eat a full meal which was sad and really below par! Also the kitchen denied that they had been told beforehand that there would be special diet people attending the general assembly - shame on you kitchen! Just own up to your mistakes next time I am a very forgiving diner and person. tsk tsk!
Quick sum up!
My traveling there was hell on earth, missed bus, more expensive cab fare in my life, cabin crew strike, airport crazy, missed luggage, nice summery weather, most awesome of the awesome symposium, Cyberarts in OK was marvelous, no mild concussions or further accidents, so broke, wishing somebody would go with me to these things, easy trip home
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(I will replace the tumblr links with actual pictures once LJ will let me upload them...)
(I've added links in case anybody want to see what I am actually talking about... I know this is not normal life for everybody...)
I am starting serious treatment for my JIRA - juvenile idiopathic rheumatoid arthritis - or just well ... arthritis ... and when I say serious I do mean real serious. I have been prescribed Arava, a so-called DMARD (disease modifying drug), which should bring my arthritis back down to normal more manageable levels and keep all the flares at bay (and god knows I fucking hate flares! they got the worst timing in the world!). Bad thing about this otherwise wonder drug - one it's crazy expensive and two I'm gonna get so sick from it ... I really do hope it'll be less than I usually get from my normal arthritis medication but I am still feeling a bit super anxious about starting it.
Some of this anxiety comes from my previous experiences with DMARD drugs - such as Methothrexate (MTX), which some might know if they have had cancer or had somebody in their family with cancer, it was a vicious and disgusting drug to take to be honest! I am a person that easily has allergic reactions/side effects from drugs and anything else - so of course I also had it with the methotrexate (MTX) I was lucky enough to both have no appetite, hairloss, nausea and just a general lowered quality of life. The nausea disappeared luckily when I started the injections but then I had to use a disposable syringe once a week to actually inject myself and also completely prepare the syringe for the injections (not fun times) and there was of course the injecting also - so if anybody want tips on how to - trust me I got them. Another wonderful little drug I have had the chance of trying to be treated with for my arthritis is Salazopyrine - sulfasalazine - I got rashes it was bad - my doctors all got a big red NO next to it in my charts. funtimies. Also one last gem - I have only once been put on pain management - once - they tried to get me to swallow an unholy amount of paracetamol (more preicsely Pinex - normally totally harmless over the counter for headaches and minor pain management) daily to manage my pain ... what did my body do. Well of course it decided to have a violent reaction to all those Pinex and I started having headaches ranging from moderate to migraine like whenever I took the pills.
But back to my current medication of choice (or more precisely - random rheumatologist lady I have never seen before's choice) and the whole ... um ... but why so anxious this time - sure you've been less than lucky in the side effects department but really this could be better, right? and you could be lucky it would actually work this drug (none of the previous drugs - except one I will get to - have actually slowed down the deterioration of my joints and general health) but some of the reasons I have extra anxiety with starting this is - the rheumatologist I saw was pretty uncertain about giving me this and she really wanted to just try Methotrexate again, or maybe not give me anything at all - which I was not too happy about I spent a month building myself up to get new medication. She also considered Salazopyrine - until she saw the pretty little note in my file or just got smart - and then went back to Methotrexate a few times with me saying no each time - I do not want to back on it and practically have all the joy of life sucked out of me - again! Luckily, she finally got smart and suggested maybe I should try one of the alternatives to Methotrexate, even if she didn't really have much experience with it. So that's sorta where the getting my new meds (Arava) ends ... So why am I anxious about it - besides all the things in my past with medication - well you see I am also taking Plaquenil, which is actually anti-malaria drug, which have been very very succesful in giving me most of my life back because before I started it I was always tired and never had any energy. In high school and my freshman year of Uni I was able to stay awake and lucid for maybe 3-4 hours before having to sleep 2 hours to be able to get something productive done again. This as you can guess is a hard limit as to what you can do then and it also gives you a sense of not being to keep up with the world and your peers because you're constantly sleeping or awake but not really there. So why is it so important I am taking Plaquenil? When you get Arava or just look it up online it says it should not be taken with (hydroxy)/chloroquine compounds ... and Plaquenil happens to be one of those, so here's to my liver and it's battered and tattered state. I do not want to give up Plaquenil with the succes it's had - even with the light sensitivity side effects and I'm genuinely afraid they might try to make me do that and then what would happen if I stopped taking it. So yeah that's a quick summary of ... well... I don't know what to call it exactly but ... yeah.
on a lighter note - I will have to like declare my undying for all the sweet nerdtastic Magic: The Gathering players out there... you don't know you are even being mentioned here ... You are all awesome and I love following you all!
and I will be back soon ... with happier content ... this post has been haunting my laptop for a few weeks now...
So as it is probably pretty damn clear I spent all day in the kitchen today ... spare for a quick shopping trip up the road and loading the washer ... we are in desperate need of getting clothes and especially towels washed... What I have been preparing in the kitchen is pretty much just food for my birthday. I am making a whole host of things among those cakes (my favourite thing!!!) but also less time demanding things such as hummus and skewers with meat & veggies. But today has been all about my favourite thing to make - layered cake and macarons (which I tend to fail a bit but still love to make them - they're perfect deliciousness)
Also today I have listened to the new-old Linkin Park album and though it definitely sounds more like some of the good old albums I'm still not entirely happy ... also I cannot figure where I have heard Burn It Down before - it was in some film. But it has been fun to sorta rediscover parts of Linkin Park ... now I just really gotta get a hold of the old albums again ...
For those who didn't get the joy of me spiraling out of control. Well I am doing my BA thesis so I can finally get my BA degree and hopefully be proud I got to do something not a lot of people in my situation get to do! And atop not spending insane amount of time on it (I completed Digital Design in the expected span - my elective is what fucked me over good.)
I have finally set a new thesis startement/ research problem - and to be honest I quite like how it ended up so I thought I'd share! The subject is something that's really near and dear to me (maybe even more than pastry!!!)
"The Brazilian bioartist Eduardo Kac has set three parametres for what Bioart is and they are (1) coaching of bio-materials into specific inert shapes or behaviours; (2) the unusual or subversive use of biotech tools or processes; (3) the invention or transformation of living organisms with or without social or environmental integration. Through analyzing the works "Suspect Inversion Centre" and "Latent Figure Protocol" I will explore how the American artist Paul Vanouse aestheticize and problematize biotechnological techniques and biological materials when he in his works of art deals with genetics and in particular his critique of DNA fingerprints and DNA as being the ultimate truth. How does the works of art deal with their material and what stance do they take in connection with the existing topic, DNA profiling, they are about/deal with"
(the wording is much smoother in Danish and I suck at translating... and apparently more academic English lately - yikes!)
I am actually excited to this thesis ... even if I have no time to really do it ... and my day rhythm is gonna be busted and crap.
On to the hopefully more delicious parts of this post! Two cakes I made recently!
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So March has come and nearly gone without me posting anything - it surely wasn't intended to be this way ... and I have been wanting to update this blog. My life this last month has pretty much been March Madness with getting the flat ready for boyfriend's birthday, then boyfriend's birthday and I've begun my internship at the museum of industry very late in February.
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